She's gone
by A-Mizzle 4 E-Cizzle
Summary: Set during New Moon, Rosalie calls edward with bad news about bella - She's dead. His agony and what he was going through up to when he sees bella again, but this time somethings different. ExB
1. Chapter 1

**This one goes out to my homies! Chan-face, Chlo, Schraps, BecMan, Kelz, Megz, Cool-cat-kuini, Jadey, Bibi, Danni, Saggy, Daisy, Alex, Zara and all those twilight peeps out-there.**

**Chapter 1- Edward POV**

"I think you have a right to know…"

Rosalie hesitated before continuing and my cautious suspense was growing. "…Edward, Bella's … She… She's dead Edward."

There was a long pause.

Rosalie was making no sense. No, no Bella isn't dead. She can't be. Rosalie was just trying to hurt me, just like she always does. My more rational side told me to apologize for even thinking that but I couldn't find the strength or the will to move my lips.

"Edward?…Edward, did you hear me? She jumped off a cliff, she committed suicide. She's gone. I'm…sorry, But you can come back to us now, it's ov…" Rosalie's voice became quieter, until she cut out completely, and I then realized I'd dropped the phone. I was speechless. There were no words. An aching pain slowly crepted its way from my heart throughout my body as belief set in. _No._ No I wouldn't give Rosalie the power and satisfaction of my pain. Bella had promised me, she promised she wouldn't do anything reckless, Nothing stupid! And I trust Bella's word.

But why would Rosalie say she jumped off a cliff, why would she be so specific. _What if_… I winced at just the possibility. The agony of the mere thought - that my beautiful angel was no longer breathing – was so hard it make me gasp. That was it, I had to know the truth.

And so I did the one thing I swore I would never do again. I picked up the silver mobile and dialed the one phone number that I could never forget. The number that always brought a smile to my face when I heard _her_ answer, I rang the Swans.

I had to expose Rosalie's lie for what it was, cruel and false. Sister or not, there would be no friendship between us after this vengeful prank. Dialing the number felt foreign, as I hadn't called anyone in six months. I had answered Carlisle's calls incase he needed me but had not called any of my family. This number especially I hadn't dialed since I left and now the reason that made me call her was finding out if she was dead…Rose was going to pay.

I dialed the last digit and waited for the connection. A husky boy's voice answered after just one ring, so he hadn't been far from the phone.

"Swan Residence…" The voice sounded irritated, like I'd rudely interrupted something.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, I'd like to speak to Charlie, is he home?" I asked politely, perfectly imitating my father's voice and tone.

"He's not here" The voiced replied, I noticed the acid in his tone and surprisingly he sounded angry. The words he spoke were almost an indignant bark, but his attitude had no significance, I just wanted to get what information I needed.

"Then where is he?!" I asked, exasperated. What was this boy's problem?

Then was a short pause on the other end of the line.

"He's at the funeral," The boy said reluctantly, and that was it.

I shut off my phone.

I couldn't breathe, it felt like a huge boulder had fallen on my chest and I was slowly suffocating with the intensity of its weight.

"_Bella_ _no_, _Bella_, _Bella no_…" I whimpered, crying tearless sobs. I hugged my knees closer and cradled myself, bowing my head. I knew I couldn't ignore _this_ pain.

How could she have done this to herself. She promised me! How could she have done this to _me _? Why would she do it? Was she… _Oh no,no, no. _My mind was turning against me. It gave me the real reason what could have made her… _jump_, just like if our roles were reversed. It was my fault. The slow torture of that concept sunk in.

In my own attempt to keep her alive, I … I … _Killed_ her. Ugh! I'm a pathetic excuse for a person, for a vampire. A waste. I've hurt the one thing I felt bound to protect and now she's gone…gone

She was the most beautiful, delicate and meaningful thing in my world. She was my only hope, the only thing in this miserable world that was worth living for and now, without her… I had nothing to live for. She was my reason for everything.

I had no reason.

I was numb, I couldn't move, I could only think.

My life was flashing before my eyes, no not my _life, _but my life with _her. _I let my eyes slide shut and the scattered images of my only love behind them, dance in front of me. My mind had stored her in perfect condition, I saw _her. _Her always so tempting blood flush up to meet her skin when I would touch her. I saw her beautiful brown eyes; the depth of them always took me by surprise. _The doors into her soul, _I quoted. And I remembered how they looked when she gazed at me, always so full of love and wonder. Her warmth; the feeling of her feverish hands on just one of my cold marble ones. That feeling was truly indescribable. When she would murmur sweet nothings in her sleep, the true vulnerability of her saying what she felt inside _I love you, Edward_. The quiet sound of her increased heartbeat when I would kiss her…

All these flashbacks of Bella were like sandpaper against my heart, each vision opened a tender gap inside me and pierced me with pain.

But the last vision was the one I would treasure forever. We were back in the meadow, _our_ meadow. The day I told her how I felt, the day I pledged myself to her and the day my _real_ life began when she confessed to me her feelings. She traced her warm hands over my skin, amazed and amused by the sparkle. Her angel face in the sun, her beautiful hair illuminated by its rays. And then our first kiss, when I finally conquered the monster within me.

All the most memorable times in my long pathetic life were spent with the meaning of my existence…my Bella. Her name had been tattooed in my mind ever since I left…I left, how could I have been so stupid, so foolish, so absurd. If nothing else got me into hell, the reality of the catastrophic mistake I had made sure would have.

If I could cry actual tears, I would have started as soon as I left Bella, but this pain was different. To cry wouldn't have been enough. I had forever lost the one thing I desperately loved the one thing I needed. There was nothing else that could fill the hole inside of me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kill, and I wanted someone to experience what I was feeling, for him or her to lose what I had lost. But I couldn't move. I was like a statue, I wanted to move but my bones and muscles would work.

And the worse part of this pain was, I never told her everything I felt for her. She…_died _thinking I didn't want her, I didn't love her. The most ridiculous concept that I gave her when _I_ told _her_ goodbye. Remorse was a mild emotion compared to what I was feeling.

She was my world, she was my life. She gave my life meaning and gave me something to live for and to look forward to. Love wasn't a strong enough word for how I felt.

It was at this moment my thoughts roamed to Romeo and Juliet.

Before I met Bella, I really couldn't see how love could force that kind of reaction out of someone…now that I had experienced - there were no words to express the anguish – I knew how Romeo felt when he thought he had lost her. Only…I _had_ lost her.

She had gone to the one place I could not follow, but I would not linger here and continue this worthless existence. I couldn't live in a world where she was no more. The pain of this still ached through my every thought. I felt so helpless, but I knew what I would now do, I knew the one thing that would give me peace.

**Dum Dum Dummm?? I won't insult your intelligence, you know what will happen in the next chapter, OR ****DO**** YOU? **

**Love it? Loathe it? Want more? Do you feel really passionate about cheese?**

**Let me Know, read and review, its how I get my ego on**!!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for your review guys! They were so sweet and it's good to know I'm not the only cheese lover out there. I really appreciate you taking the time to write 'em. **

**Although I'm aware its my first fan-fiction so if you don't like it or you have ideas of changes I could make, don't be shy!**

A special mention goes out to: Twilighter27 - Mizuki Yagami - And That Other Guy - TheLionFellInLoveWithTheLamb - xXM'n'MXx

If you're ever in Adelaide, I'm giving you guys a hug! Love you all xxChapter 2

E POV

My bones were still tensed when, moving unintentionally slowly, I tried to stand. I still couldn't move. All my muscles were still locked from the impact of Rosalie's news…_Bella's death_. The ache of that realization still made my bones feel cold and me feel hopeless.

With a pathetic attempt to distract myself from the excruciating pain that coursed its way through my insides, I tried to decipher where I was. I was sitting in a dusty attic a few stories up, surrounded by rats, spiders and, so far, half a dozen roaches.

The lowest of life forms – myself included.

Although none of the animals or insects approached or came anywhere near me.

I was the outcast of outcasts.

The small attic which was boxed by uneven wooden planks on three sides. The forth was uncovered allowing the full extent of the suns rays to illuminate and expose me. From where I was sitting I could see a busy alley full of many wooden crates and food stalls. I could see persistent shopkeepers, yelling and beckoning to the many passing customers. The sounds of their thoughts and their words made one large ethnic slur in my head. But I didn't care what they were saying. I didn't care what they were doing. What difference did it make?

To tell the truth, I wasn't exactly sure where I was but I was sure where I was going… to Italy, to relief, to Bella.

I remembered the last time I was forced to consider this option, last spring in Phoenix when

Bella, _Bella, _the very meaning of my existence was almost massacred by that psychotic tracker_ James. _Even the voice in my mind snarled ferociously at his name.

The painful memory of fragile Bella, lying against the shattered glass, wet crimson soaked into her shirt, her hair, stained on her face, arms and legs. The look of it so horrifying yet so seductive. The monster inside me fighting the urge to kill her, if it was anyone else, I could not have stopped myself. The delicious smell of her blood that drove me crazy was just a mild smell compared to the taste…_the taste. _

I remembered the unbelievable guilt I felt every second that I was with her in that hospital room. But also the selfish happiness that she was next to me once again. But only very barely. The memory of her laying on the hospital bed covered from head to toe in injuries, while the sound of the monitor next to her reminded me just how fragile and breakable she was, with every beep.

Bella had consumed me at that moment. I knew at that moment that I could not be away from her, I could not be without her. All my life as a vampire I had _wanted_ things but never really _needed_ anything.

I _needed _her.

I needed her more than blood, more than possessions, maybe more than family. She was my air, my water, and my family. Every second we were apart felt torturous. I would often wonder how I managed before we met. I needed her touch, her warmth, her adorable blushes, her fascinating human reactions and her sweet floral scent.

But I couldn't have what I needed, and she was no longer in this world, she was behind the only gate I could not break, the only wall I could not climb, the only place that was forever out of my reach. She was in heaven.

"Ah.." A loud sob ripped through my throat and escaped my lips. The permanent lump in my throat, as a result of not being able to express my tears, was getting so big it was hard to breathe. The loud wail caused two or three onlookers to gaze in my direction but I didn't care if they saw me. Nothing mattered anymore.

With three deep breaths I forced my legs the move so I could stand up. For a vampire I was moving the equivalency of a turtle in a race of hares. I was moving like an old man, which was exactly what I was. An old man stuck in a seventeen-year-olds body. Bella had made me feel young. She.. _Ugh! _

"Stop!" I yelled to myself. A number of shoppers stopped and looked up. Luckily my pace returned and I ducked out of sight in seconds, heading for the stairs.

Everything made me think of her. I couldn't handle this anymore. I needed to be with her and if not in this life, than in the next.

Now I didn't care the circumstances we would be together, and even if I did go to hell, I would somehow find a way to get to her. Heaven couldn't be that far from hell.

I stopped as I got to the top of staircase and I pulled my cell out of my pocket. I dialed the number of Carlisle's travel agent. There was no doubt in my mind about where I was going.

**I kinda raced through this chapter so it's a bit dodgy, sorry guys. The next one will be better**

**Love it? Loathe it? Want more? Do you feel really passionate about cheese?**

**Let me Know, read and review, its how I get my ego on**!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey peeps, Thankyou so much for your reviews! They were heaps nice and sweet, although beware as my ego is slowly rising! and I'm so proud that other people feel passionately about cheese, it makes my obsession a little less sad. I really appreciate you taking the time to write 'em. **

A special mention goes out to: - SimoneCullen - inlovewthecullens - TheLionFellInLoveWithTheLamb - DragonWingedHanyou - XoXoblairwaldorfXoXo

If you're ever in Adelaide, screw a hug I'm giving you some cheese! Love you all xx

**CHAPTER 3**

E POV

"Yes 4.15 is fine" I answered trying to use my father's voice once again, but to me it sounded wrong. The optimism, love and confidence that radiated through him - even in his voice – was absent, I couldn't forge that feeling now. My voice was flat…emotionless.

All I could hear in the background has the sound of eager fingers on the keyboard, securing my decision.

"Okay, it's all taken care of Mr. Cullen, I hope the medical conference goes well, Italy is beautiful this time of year!"

I hung up straight way, not bothering with formalities. The second I hung up, the phone rang. _Alice. Ugh! _I should have known she would be watching me. She probably called to talk me out of this. Just like other people were predictable to her, she – even without extra hearing – was predictable to me. The persistent ringing continued but the sound of its ring – like all other sounds – were just a blur around me. I no longer cared about the minds I could hear buzzing all around me, the people around me, the cars driving past – so I tuned it out. All these ugly sounds and voices meant nothing to me, the only voice that did has been silenced. _Ugh!_ Another jagged knife twisted in the wound in my chest, where are heart should have been. _I'm pathetic! I have to stop this! I have to go! _

I threw the ringing cell into the nearest bin and walked – a bit too fast to be human pace - in the direction of the nearest cab with my stiff hand raised. Seconds that seems like hours later, a cab slid out of the traffic to stop in front of me. I opened the door briskly, my jaw still clenched. In the moment the cool air-conditioned breeze blew in my face, I felt strange. The usual aching thirst I felt when I was in close proximity with a human was absent and a new queasy feeling drenched my senses.

I hadn't fed in weeks but more than that I felt like I would be physically sick, like I could vomit. For the first time in my vampire life the smell of human blood – of on-lookers, random people on the street – repulsed me. I didn't understand what had changed but the problem was too insignificant for me to care about it. If I was sick, I deserved it.

"The airport please" I told the driver, again my voice was flat, emotionless, all life in my voice was gone and rightly so. My life was gone. Another stab to my chest and I could feel the gapping whole that had been in my chest for months I had been away from her, rip open with overwhelming pain. I ducked my head and put my arms around my torso tightly, an attempt to hold together the peace's of myself. A stupid thing to do, for once I couldn't fix this pain or distract myself, its all there was.

Looking out the window at the cruel world I had known for too long, I felt like for once I was doing the right thing. The things I had done, the sick person I was would be done with I would leave. The only thing I would ask, no I would _beg, _is to be where my Bella is, to go where she goes. That by some miracle I had done one good thing in my horrible existence that would grant me my heaven, grant me Bella. Or even if I had to spend a decade in hell just to get one day with her in heaven, I would willingly do what was needed to get just that one day. To see her face again and to feel her feverish hand twined with mine. Summer and winter again.

I turned to the window in hopes of distraction. Trees, shops and people blurred into one big orange mess out the window. No such luck.

" uh, ok sir thata will be, eh, how you say, sixty seven dollar and twenty six cent" the cab driver said and the car slowed to a stop. I could see it now, the airport was just ahead of us. I threw a one hundred over the seat and got out as soon as I could. As I left I could hear the faint rant of spanish celebration as the cab drove away. I tried to come up with some kind of happy feeling that I had made the cab driver that happy but there only numbness. I sighed it was almost over I told myself, _it's almost over._

_Sorry its pretty dodge, don't know if ill continue writing as I'm now in yr. 12 so sorry if you one of the small group of people who liked it, lol, although haven't decided,._

_Love it? Loathe it? Want more? Do you feel really passionate about cheese?_

_Let me Know, read and review, its how I get my ego on_!!!


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